First post.

Let's see, what to start with..
The debate with whether I should explain who I am, why I am writing, etc, etc, no.. I'll just let you read my about me if you want to know that.

I've been about three day's without my "beloved" medication. Ugh. What I wouldn't give to be what some might consider "normal". I have yet to truly understand what that means.

Ok, I guess I should maybe talk a little about myself, or at least why I am starting this blog.
I am 19. I live in Utah, and I have an anxiety disorder. It's not really debilitating, and when it is considered or brought up to be a mental "illness" I laugh a little bit. It should not be put in the same category as someone suffering from schizophrenia, it is in no way near as horrible, or scary. Yes having Panic Attacks are scary, but it is not likely you are going to be put in a mental institution somewhere, so why should we make it out to be?
The only time I feel like I need medical attention is when I haven't taken my pills in a couple days, like now. Today I had a bit of a crash, after having the most horrible day of my life.. maybe not of my life, and maybe it wasn't as horrible I thought it was, maybe it was just my "illness" talking. It sucked, I know that much.
Don't you ever feel like everything is out to get you... you find yourself scrambling to find someone to blame, so you tilt your head up and say "god why do you fucking hate me today?! Haven't I been good for the past week? Could you please give me a BREAK and let everything go my way for a minute?!" I felt like that today, and you know what? Those words probably did come out of my mouth as I was driving like a fucking idiot down the street, trying desperately to get to my friends house.. which I never did.. ahh, I overreact, I know it, you don't have to tell me twice, but holy shit I just wanted to have a good day.
Anyway, what exactly was I getting at? Oh yeah, why did I start this blog? I like to write, I sometimes think I can be interesting, and I want people to hear my opinion. IT'S OK TO BE DIFFERENT. GOD WONT HATE YOU! So many people here are just so messed up, drugs, religion, politics, we all really hate eachother.. the war isn't in Iraq, it is in our fucking back yards, fighting with our neighbor's about something so small it's not even worth blinking at...

Ok I have lost my trail of thought.. I am tired, its 3:30 in the morning, and I really should sleep. Maybe I'll make more sense tomorrow..
Well, goodnight first post.